Morning Musings: “Dear Past Self…”

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“Dear Past Self,

Hi! I’ve missed you a lot. I just remembered you while scrolling through my albums and albums of pictures. I must say that I’ve really missed you for the past 2 years. You’ve always been a globe trotter! You have the world at the palm of your hands and you can go anywhere, buy anything and care less of everything! I know you’ve enjoyed this phase a LOT!

You can sleep through the day, eat any time you like and most of all, WEAR anything and KNOW that it will fit your XS-S body frame. You’ve been taken cared of ALL your life. Being a single child means that the attention of your parents are with you only. When you’ve had your first job, your co-workers turned into friends and you were the youngest…. they’ve cooked for you all the time while you are away from your parents and treated you as their youngest sister. Life’s been great! You just needed to wash the dishes afterwards like the youngest sister, always! You will realize after all of these, that it was preparing you to see how to care for others in the future!

You’ve also been through a lot of pain, losing the whole of your family and you will feel that you will have no place in this world…. BUT! Wait for it! Good things come to those who wait. Just wait.

A great thing will be coming, SOONER than you think!

After exactly half a year of being an orphan, you will learn that you will NEVER be alone: a tiny human inside you!

I know it sounded incredulous, you might not even realize it. You will still continue to be a globe trotter that you are until you cannot zip your work trousers! Only until then that you realize something is up. You’ve spotted your period and you can’t zip your trousers? Yes, I know. Something adds up–literally! You will have to buy those things that will show you those two lines for you to believe it!

You will start to experience what “having no clothes to wear” mean. Thankfully, a generous friend will give you all her maternity clothes so that you don’t need to buy. You will have to clip your wings and sit in an office until you give birth, then go to fly again afterwards, sounds easy, right?

You will find another set of family in the office, believe it or not, you will enjoy being in an office! Another set of perspective and you will learn a lot through this phase too. Enjoy it while it last, since you will not stay for long.

After a while, your XS-S body turned to a whale will experience back pain and you will feel like a turtle on its back since you won’t be able to get up from the bed without your husband to push and pull you up. Doesn’t sound nice but it will be your truth for a few months before your tiny human arrive. You will also lose your ankles, believe me. It will be all legs and feet, no ankles.

Oh, and that jaw line? It will disappear too.

Did I mention that your pits will darken like your worst nightmare too, but do not fret! It will go back to its color, trust me.

Prepare also for the worst pain in your life! You will be torn and ripped apart. That nice little va-jay-jay? After a while, you won’t recognize it too. BUUUUUUUT, know this: Good things come to those who wait aaand the pain will be worth it, as I said!

Now look at those tiny fingers, didn’t I tell you it will be worth it? I know, thank me later since this will be the start of something bigger!

Say goodbye to your precious “ME” time and to your precious sleep. It will take a while before you can say hello to those again, even after 10 months, I assure you…. those things will take their own sweet time to come back.

Remember how everybody took care of you? Yes? THAT is how you will take care of this tiny human too. You will name him Lowe and your world will change as you know it. Say goodbye to your globe trotting career! You wanted to go back, you said before? One look at that baby, you will even forget what you’ve said and you will never want to part from him even for one second! He will be the clingiest person you will ever know, sometimes you might not like it but then, when you look at him, you change your mind and LOVE it.

Say goodbye to your old body that you still wish you had since you have tons of clothes of that size, but somewhere along the way, you will have to accept that you’ve transitioned to a few 5 kgs from your original weight pre-pregnancy. You will throw away your old clothes, old practice and even your old, selfish self.

You will learn to be selfless. You will learn how great this love is.

You will have a new meaning.

You will have a family, again.

… and suddenly, you will not miss your old self because the you in the present is much better.

Have a great weekend!

Sincerely,

Present Me”

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Someone’s turning 6 months!

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I am lying here beside you, in the middle of the day, feeding you to sleep. I get teary-eyed about what tomorrow means: Lowe, you’re turning 6 months tomorrow! Also, you will be starting your solids. I will not be the sole provider of your sustenance and it makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. Happy, that you are growing healthily, and sad because you are growing up and needing me less. I do not know how long after this you will need to feed from me but I hope you will continue for a bit longer before you wean yourself off my breast.

Seeing you start to lift your bottom in preparation to start crawling makes my heart full because you are hitting milestones after milestones, but it also makes me realize that the time will come soon that you will want to start walking by yourself and would not want to be carried any longer. I can’t believe that time flies so fast!

Watching you peacefully sleep now, I am feeling so thankful that I get to experience and see for myself your little triumphs day after day that I tend to forget that you also grow and start to be less dependent on me. Looking at your face makes me feel that I made all the right choices in my life because, ultimately, those choices led me here. With you, watching you sleep soundly.

So Lowe, please stay a baby a little while longer. Let me experience and cherish this moment a little more.

Staying At Home

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Before I’ve left my work, I’ve been bombarded with questions such as: “What will you do?” or “What work will you do there?”, as if the concept of staying at home is not an option.

I’ve been blessed to have this opportunity of raising my son to the fullest of my capabilities with all of my time devoted to him. I know a lot of mothers does not have this opportunity that’s why there’re extended relatives who helps raise the child or if not, the yayas.

Anyway, back to the question of “What will I do”, with this one I felt that taking care of my infant sums it all up. I can barely leave him to take a bath… so I bring him with me and he sits on his Mama’s & Papa’s Snug Seat all the while watching me take a bath. What else can I do? I don’t even know where to get free time aside from when he sleeps… like now. So that I can write this post.

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Locked & Latched

I honestly don’t know how to get extra time to do other stuff, occassionally, I can drink my coffee (Malunggay coffee!) and ponder for a minute downstairs while I have him on my baby monitor… then he stirs up from his sleep and looks for me, so I go to him again.

I admire mommies out there who can do other stuff and not have a yaya too. I do not have yaya for my son because I want to be the primary caregiver for his needs, I’m looking for kasambahay for the past 3 months but to no avail. I really have my hands full.

So to that question, “What will You do?”

I guess the answer would be, TOO many to mention that I don’t know where to begin.

Too many things to do that I haven’t even unpacked my 5 boxes from Qatar where I’ve worked and lived for 12 years and those boxes are still full of clothes, cooking items, books and other personal effects. They’re still sitting in the living room looking like they’re the furnitures and permanent fixture of the house.

I don’t even want to open them. I don’t even want to look at them.

Oh, suddenly, I’ve remembered something else I have to do and this is the perfect timing since Lowe’s in deep sleep: I was planning on catching one of my cats and have her spayed!

So, ta-ta for now! Got to have that cat spayed soon, otherwise, we will have loads of kittens! 😂

A Fresh Start!

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I had an epiphany this afternoon while looking at my 5-month old son, Lowe. I need to have a new hobby!

I am Jean Labitoria, a former flight attendant and CSD (purser) with Qatar Airways (flown for 12 years! Yeah!) and currently a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom).

A little background about myself and my current situation, I never imagined myself to be a SAHM, I thought I will be able to go back to flying once I finished with my maternity leave but alas! One look at my son as soon as I gave birth to him changed EVERYTHING! I now know how true it is firsthand when they say: “Your priorities will change after you see your child”. Money becomes secondary, travelling takes a backseat and definetely going back to my career and imagining my son growing up without me becomes a nightmare! So I ended up ending my career to everyone’s, including mine’s, surprise.

So now, you know that I need to have a new hobby. Raising my son takes a whole lot of my time but I feel that I need to have a bit of my time alone to do what I want, like for now, this!

Mainly, I will be writing about my daily adventures, product reviews and experiences with my son and all the things that I encounter and will encounter. So please look forward to it!